Maternity Leave is definitely over!

When I was on maternity leave, I had time. Time to play with my sons, time to cook a nice meal, time to clean my house. More importantly I had time to rest during the day after an eventful night. Don't get me wrong, Charlie has only been an eventful-night-baby on a dozen or so occasions in his three month life. He is remarkably easy.


However...


When I was on maternity leave, I would take the week night duty so Husby could rest, because we knew I could rest the next day. So when Charlie would wake up at 1am and 3am, I would look at that beautiful face and it would take, at most, a minute for my crankiness to fade away and for me to actually, and surprisingly, enjoy being awake with my baby in the quiet of the night. Now I am back at work, we haven't really ironed out a system. Last week we alternated feedings, this week we are doing nights. Last week Charlie was sleeping through the night, as he was the week before. This week he has decided that things look pretty good at 1am and 3am.


Last night was my turn and he was up between 12 and 1, then up from 3.30 with maybe a twenty minute nap at 5. I was cranky and swearing, and I didn't like him at all. I couldn't get Husby up to deal with it, because he had much the same night on the previous night and well, he works a second job pretty much every night on the week so it's not fair. But darn it Charlie! More than 2.5 hours of sleep would be nice. We had foolishly gone to bed at 11pm, silly parents.


I was mad at Charlie, then mad at Husby, luckily Toby hadn't woken up yet. By the time everyone was getting dressed and ready to go, I had made a cup of tea and sat outside on our front steps for a few minutes. Breathing in the fresh Maine air, listening to the Chickadees nesting in our birdhouse, praying a simple prayer "Lord, give me peace and make me calm. Lord give me peace and help me express love." I repeated this over and over again, and slowly began to calm down. By the time both boys were coming downstairs with their daddy, I was able to play with them, cuddle them, drink more caffeine and wish that I had hugged Charlie a little more at 4am.


I'm still tired though.

Everyday Restaurant Review: Cracker Barrel

Restaurant reviews have a tendency to focus on independent local places, critics are rarely concerned with the everyday place that most people spend their time and money in. If you want to know what's good at Bugaboo Creek, or if you will like Olive Garden, then you generally have to phone a friend.

On Sunday night Husby and I went on a date, to Cracker Barrel. Our local Cracker Barrel opened last year and despite wanting to, we had yet to go. I have heard nothing about it, save that the store is cool, and so really wanted to go. Since I was in the mood for some home style food, it seemed, from the name of the place, that this was the right place to go.

As the AC was quite chilly we each had a hot drink, I was pleasantly surprised with my English Breakfast Tea as I am quite picky about such things. We did not have a starter, as the meals described seemed to be quite large, and, well, if Fried Mushrooms aren't on the menu I'm hard pressed to pick one. Husby ordered the Reuben Platter, and I, having gone with the intent of having Meatloaf and Mashed Potatoes, had Meatloaf and Mashed Potatoes. You get three sides and corn bread and a biscuit with your meal. I liked this as often I have to choose cornbread at the expense of another side. As well as regular ole Corn and Mashed Potatoes, I tried the Fried Apples that seemed to be a Cracker Barrel signature. Imagine an Apple Crumble (Crisp), removing the Crumbly (crispy) part, the remaining apple mix that you are left with is what they mean by Fried Apples. Great with Pork Chops but not so great with Meatloaf. It easily adapted and served as a dessert however. The Meatloaf was good but not brimming with flavor, as were the mashed potatoes. My husband enjoyed his Reuben Platter but commented that it was "Meh," which in his language means nothing special but not bad. He had a side of Chicken and Rice soup, and I think would have quite happily taken a bath in the stuff. I'd be interested in trying their Chicken Pie because the soup was excellent. We did not have dessert.

It was much cheaper than I was expecting, a little over twenty bucks for two meals and two hot drinks isn't bad for a family on a budget looking for a date night.

The woman who seated us was very pleasant. The woman who served us was pleasant but also moved along at a brisk clip which I appreciated. She brought the bill while we were still eating which some might not like but I LOVED because when I am done, I am done and I want to be gone. I hate having to wait, or even worse ask for the bill. She thought I was on vacation which was cute. Drinks service was quick and she checked for refills without being disruptive.

The table was clean, the silverware was clean, the ketchup bottle was not sticky. These things should be a given but they are not so I give credit! The bathrooms were great. We were there between 5.30 and 7 on a Sunday and they were spotless. Clean, not damp, no toilet paper sticking to unusual places. They also indicated the there was a baby changing station in the mens room which is a big thumbs up for this chain in my book. When I was pregnant, Toby's diapers made me throw up, so Husby had to change most of them. It became a problem when eating out, since public bathrooms also made me nauseous! I used to hold my breath and inhale through a wipey when I needed to breathe!

The piece de resistance of the Cracker Barrel experience is the store. It was everything I expected from every good quality tourist trap we visited in Florida when I was 11, I love those places. Patriotic clothing, old fashioned candy, wooden toys, vintage toys, decorations, ornaments, cds and dvds of classic shows/music. We found Toby's birthday present there. We spent as much time looking at stuff as we did eating our meal. It was a lot of fun, though I suppose that initial thrill might decrease with subsequent visits.

The Ratings:

Food 2/5

Value 5/5

Service 5/5

Atmosphere 5/5

Other 5/5

The food was not bad and since everything else was fantastic it definitely bears a couple of repeat visits. The menu is varied enough and cheap enough for a second and third chance. They serve breakfast all day so that might be worth a shot next time. Three bland meals though and I might be singing a different song.

Miscellany Monday

Well I haven't done one of these in a while. I love these link parties that help inspire you. I'm sitting in a quiet house, both boys are sleeping, with a cup of tea from my teapot, and I can't think of the half dozen post ideas I had over the weekend. So thank you Carissa!

one Today Toby's best friend Finn is coming over for six hours while his parents are at work. They always end up having fun, they always end up in tears, we always end up exhausted. They play like "proper" little boys and though it can be trying, it is wonderful to watch.

two We need a mini-van!!! We had hoped to borrow one from the in-laws today so we could take three car seats hiking! Alas twas not to be. Our little car is lovely but there's not much space for stuff or feet. Plus the bag I use for my bring along crochet project is rapidly taking up the whole front seat.

three Being back at work has not been too bad. There are so many little administrative things that still bug me but the people I work with are lovely and the job is interesting. I have observed teachers for far too long now from the administrative side to ever want to be one (Oooh I just remembered one of the posts I thought about yesterday!) but I like supporting the work that they do and knowing that I push the papers around so that those who work directly with the kids can do so free of hindrance. Please ignore the run on sentence!

four I'm working on a pretty fantastic article for GeekMom right now. It's a heavy piece though and I have lots of information to sift through, so finding the time is proving to be tough and the contact I'm working with is demanding, in a good way, but demanding nonetheless.

five My husband is the best. I felt sick last night so he let me sleep through the 1am feeding, he also got up at 4am when Charlie pooped through everything.

six My baby has decided that sleeping through the night is no longer fun and has resumed feeding every couple of hours. I'm hoping it's a growth spurt and he'll return to normal later in the week.

seven More and more in this political climate I feel like I can't talk about what I am feeling. I am expected to leave my religion at the doorstep and accept everyone, which I have no problem with, but PLEASE let me be confused and let me talk about it from all angles. I am confused by what I see and what I feel, I'm not trying to attack anyone, I'm not trying to restrict anyone, I just need to find some sense in my own mind, in my own gut.

eight This morning we are having tea from my teapot. The boys still aren't awake and all is calm in this Maine home. The calm before the storm, but hey, I'll take it!

What I Wore Wednesday - Back to Work

Back to work after Maternity Leave. I am 30 pounds heavier than I was pre Toby and 37 pounds heavier than I was pre Christmas pre Toby. Hardly anything fits and I feel fat in everything so I am making a c0nscious decision to wear clothes that are comfy and make me feel good.

THURSDAY: First day back. A dress from Topshop and cardigan from Wallis, purchased by my lovely Nan on our last trip to England. I am also wearing my Xena Warrior Princess Earrings to empower me for the day!

FRIDAY: Another dress from Nan, this time from Dorothy Perkins. It is covered in butterflies which I usually don't like but did on this dress. The cardigan once belonged to my little Nan who died last year. The necklace was a gift from my best friend Sarah.

SATURDAY: None of my hiking clothes fit, so a trip into the White Mountains this weekend meant I had to improvise with leggings and a "dress" that had been destined for goodwill.

SUNDAY: Very casual for Church this week as it was so hot. Tank Top from J Crew, Skirt stolen from my mum, I think Dorothy Perkins.

MONDAY: The cardigan and belt are from LL Bean, I made the dress and I also made my accessories!

TUESDAY: Another dress stolen from Mum and Cardigan from LL Bean

 

I have an extensive collection of earrings and necklaces so I have been trying to vary that this week. Wearing earrings and not the same old studs feels like getting out of the rut of maternity leave casual!

Linking with the pleated poppy today.

Weekend Fun

We used this weekend like every weekend should be used.

On Friday, straight after work, we drove to the grandparents house. We had takeout with the family then walked to Route 160 for Ice cream.

On Saturday we packed up a picnic lunch and drove into NH. We drove around for a while before heading down the Kancamagus Highway where we stopped at the river and then the waterfall. We climbed over rocks, played in the water and ate hard boiled eggs with Cheese Sandwiches.

On Sunday we went to church and then Grandma and Pepere came over. We played in the garden all afternoon and into the evening, running in and out of sprinklers.

In between all the goodness, we managed to keep the kitchen tidy, get a few loads of laundry done, mow the lawn, get some tomatoes planted, do the groceries and work on a crocheted blanket. I'm not sure how we managed to pack so much life in, but we did. I hope every weekend now that I'm back at work can be this fun and relaxing and fruitful. It makes me feel like we have previously wasted our precious time at home with the kids. A little effort can lead to a lot of fun. A little decision can turn a weekend into a mini vacation.

Notes from my, gulp, lunch break!

Today I went back to work after three months at home with my baby boy. This morning I packed up a bag of his little things, and went with my husband and toddler to leave him for the first long stretch of time in his whole life. Toby was so excited to have Charlie with him today "Everyone this is my little Charwee" - he has trouble with the "l" and I wove it.

I was fortunate when my first son was born that my sister in law moved in with us and effectively nannied for us until Toby was 9 months old. This was the first time I have had to leave a baby in care. Luckily I know have a long relationship with Toby's daycare provider and so I leave with less trepidation than I did on his first day.

But

He's still my baby, he can't support his neck yet and there he is at "school" with Toby. It's kind of crazy. I know he's fine, Missy is wonderful and Toby was so looking forward to having Charlie at school with him.

I'm actually fine too. It's been a fun morning at work, catching up on things that happened while I was gone, checking in on projects I left in the middle of, even putting out a few fires. I'm an Accounts Payable clerk for a school district here in Maine. I like my job, I like the numbers and the detail. I like the school clerks I interact with, and the administrators I report too. I just found out that the office is having an overhaul this summer, so we will finally have a breakroom and doors on our offices! Things are pretty good.

When the sexual revolution came, women suddenly found themselves with all kinds of options open to them. I have felt somewhat more limited in the past. I no longer have the choice to stay home with my children if we want to own our own home. The choice is taken away from us by the way society has developed. Is it a bad thing or a good thing? I think we have still to find that balance between work and home in our society that allows you to have health and happiness in both. But then the Declaration of Independence affords us the liberty to pursue happiness, it doesn't give everyone instant gratification. I'm glad I can work, I'm glad it's not denied to me, but as the mother of a three month old, I think we can do better.

He's sleeping

I go back to work tomorrow. Charlie slept through the night last night and fell asleep in my arms this morning, I'm going to miss that.

Paying off the Maternity Leave

I took 12 weeks of Maternity Leave, more than 50% of which was unpaid. Actually close to 90% of which was unpaid. It was worth it, I have loved every second, but we weren't quite prepared for the expense. Our plan to cover it would have had most people screaming at us. We charged it. Anything that could go on the credit card did. My paychecks resumed a week after we maxed out our only credit card. Phew! Now we have the task of paying it off. To that effect, Husby has taken on extra hours at his third job. Yes, his third job. When he got his new tech job in October it realised our goal of actually living within our means. The second and third jobs were just kept to cover the little debt we were trying to pay off. Now they will cover the medium size debt!. So three nights a week, often four, Husby comes home, drops us off and goes straight out again for several hours. I appreciate everything he does for us, but boy does it suck. I miss him. I miss spending time with him after the kids go to bed. I miss teamwork, being able to cook a nice dinner while listening to him wrestling with his boys. I just miss him. It will be worth it at the end of the year when that bill is zero. But I still miss him.

My little corner of the world

This is my view right now. We are all in the garden on a lovely sunny Saturday afternoon. Both kids napped for over two hours after lunch, which was nice but unexpected so we weren't sure quite what to do with ourselves.

Sitting out here, watching Toby play and Husby tend the garden, Charlie giggling beside me in the shade, I am reminded of why we live here. You make choices in your life. We decided to buy a house before we had kids. We decided to move out of the more populated areas of Greater Portland to the country. We own two acres of land. One of those is pure grass, one is woods, the perfect territory for a couple of boys to explore.

Years ago when we got married we made another choice, the choice to live in Maine instead of England. Every day spent like this is a day appreciating that choice. We couldn't have afforded the type of property we own in Maine had we chosen to live in England. A three bedroom detached house on two acres of land, with a wood stove and basement. It just wouldn't have happened. Right now, to enjoy this weather, we would have to be in a very small garden with houses immediately adjacent to us, or be away from home in a crowded park.

We have space to breath here, freedom to run in the grass without worrying about losing sight of our sons, the ability to fly a kite in our own garden. We can work on the garden while our sons play.

I miss my family and friends everyday but this is the life I want for my boys, this life in Maine.

Being a Paid Writer

My whole life, I have been an avid reader. Since I discovered Jane Austen when I was 13, I have devoured everything I came across. I have spent the last twenty years writing fragments of novels, short stories, poetry, non-fiction and then blogging entered my life.

I started this blog when my son was a few months old, it gave me a creative outlet, at a time when I could find no time for anything. It kept me writing, when the creative juices were flowing in a different direction - baby food!

Then in April of last year, I started writing for GeekMom. It was a joy to be writing with such a talented group of women and it felt great to be finally putting something more out there. After a few months, I became a Core Contributor and got my first paycheck, only the second time in my life I have been paid to write. This week GeekMom is transitioning to bigger things. We have been acquired by Wired.com and are all excited about the future.

For me, to be able to say I am now a paid writer for Wired.com's newest blog, is  a big deal. I wanted to have a finished novel by my thirtieth birthday, I suspect many people share that goal. Well I don't have that, I don't know that I ever will, but I do get paid to write, to do something I love, with people I admire and respect. It's something I always wanted to do and be, and here I am.

Sarah Pinault, Wife, Mother, Crafter, Brit, Writer.

Maternity Leave run wild

I set out to enjoy my maternity leave with Charlie. Having a child was such a shock to the system the first time around, that my leave went by in a blur of... he's asleep... should I eat... should I shower... should I sleep... darn he's awake again. We were the classic new parents whose laundry became a mountain, whose dishes piled up and who only managed to scrub the floors once Toby discovered crawling. This time I prepared for a nightmare and got the easiest baby in the world. This time I expected to have no time for anything but cuddles and time with my baby. I made no plans. Well, that's a lie. In the back of my mind was a disorganised list of projects I thought I could get to while on leave.

• Sand down my desk and paint it Teal and Bright Yellow
• Paint the hallway Navy Blue
• Clean and stain my swing
• Keep up to date with Charlie's scrapbook
• Take a three miles walk everyday
• Finish my brother in law's wedding present (they got married last August)
• Sort out the Tupperware cupboard - I used to sell it so I have a lot
• Make pants for Toby and Charlie
• Make a dress or two

What I actually did for the last three months is not nearly as adventurous. I managed to stay on top of the laundry and dishes most of the time, though my floor has not been scrubbed since mum was here in February. I spent a lot less time worrying about how to bond with my baby this time and a lot more time actually bonding. Right now for example, I am sat Indian style on my bed, with a happy giggling baby next me. Reading to him as I type, and talking to him about what I'm typing. His only suggestion for this post is "goo goo goo" which is certainly post worthy, but I'm not sure how to put it into words. He is smiling, I am smiling, we are interacting, and I am getting a little something personal done. I did manage to get some things done while he was sleeping over the last three months.

• I made two dresses
• I cut out pants for Toby - Curious George fabric that I purchased before Charlie was even conceived. Sorry Dad, I mean before the stork bought him.
• I donated a bunch of stuff to goodwill and set aside some for our upcoming Memorial day yard sale.
• I scrapbooked two or three pages and ordered the pictures from his first two weeks
• I started two new blankets and finished none.

However my best list of accomplishments are most accurately summed up as "goo goo goo."

On returning to work

I go back to work next Thursday after thirteen weeks of leave, twelve of which followed Charlie's birth. I approach this return much differently than I did last time.

After six weeks home with Toby, I was chomping at the bit to get back to work, and quite relived to have only scheduled eight weeks of maternity leave. PPD played a huge part in it, but having that structure back in my life really helped me be a better mum in the time I had with Toby. There are some who can do this mum thing 24 hours a day for twenty years, I am not one of them.

Having said that, I have had the most wonderful eleven weeks with Charlie and I am squeezing as much joy from this last week and a half as I possibly can. Today he woke me up at four to eat and I loved it. He went to sleep again at 4.30 but Toby woke up at 5 so I never got back to sleep. I loved it. I had so much time with my boys this morning it was wonderful. I have enjoyed this leave in ways that I didn't enjoy my first. I have been much more relaxed, and much happier. I know this has affected Charlie, who is much more simple and stable than his brother was, and his brother was an easy baby.

Charlie seems to be sleeping through the night now, allowing time for him to adjust to American time again. Toby is waking up happy and cooperating in the morning, so I have high hopes for my return to work. Charlie watched from Tummy Time as I tried on clothes and figured out what I could wear for work that currently fits, more on that later...

So, work next week, huh? I look forward to interacting with adults again. I look forward to driving to work with Husby and having lunch with him occasionally. I look forward to a lunch break in which I can read or blog without wondering if a sleeping child will wake up. I enjoy my work and I enjoy the people I work with, most of the time :-) It will be nice to be that person again, though I have loved the second maternity leave me.

I still don't look forward to putting Charlie in daycare. Toby loves it, it would be cruel to pull him out now and I love Missy and everyone who works for her. I trust them with my baby completely, but he's still my baby. With Toby, my sister in law lived with us for seven months and watched him, so he was nine months old when he went to daycare. Charlie is just three, and though he's a big boy he's still my baby!

I don't worry about missing things, all of Toby's firsts happened at home. Except his first Peanut Butter, which I was quite happy happened at daycare within 20 feet of the the Epi-pen he didn't need in the end. I will fiercely miss being able ot hold and kiss and smush my little baby whenever I like.

Still, I am happy now and I'll be happy when I'm back at work too. This really is the way life should be.

Returning Home

We got back last night after ten days in England. A two year old and a two month old on a plane. Now imagine this, a three hour drive to the airport, a two hour wait in the airport, a one hour wait on the plane, a 6 hour flight, another 30 minutes on the plane, another hour in another airport and a two hour drive home.

My boys are wonderful. We've done this twice now with two boys, there and back. My boys are wonderful. On the flight out they were both perfect. Toby didn't want to sleep but eventually he curled up with me and took a nap, luckily Grandad was waiting at the other end so he was very excited to get there. No screaming, no puking, nothing. The flight home was a bit more eventful, Toby was crankier and Charlie didn't want to sleep as much, oh and I started throwing up about an hour away from Boston. Luckily we had started the descent by then and Toby was finally asleep so Husby could handle it! Toby screamed through Boston airport, well how would you like being woken up at midnight and dragged through customs.

On the whole it was a great journey.

When travelling with a two year old a a baby, I recommend a sturdy baby carrier, a trunki and an Ipad loaded with games!